herherher .#

beautiful memories

2010-09-30T01:52:00.000+08:00

now baby ure not around, im laying low in th middle of these nights.

so i travelled back down th memory lane and found i missed u so badly right now.

sometimes i forget how much i love u and how much ive wanted to spend every single moment of my life with u .. now what happened to us?

2010-08-17T13:45:00.003+08:00

i know im selfish , that i couldnt share u with other soul even if ure an idol and all famous around th whole country . though i never lost u , u never was there like any other kindda father would.. cause daddy it aint fair , u noe urself u arent playing fair .. its not fair for us ba.. i need u to know ... its really not fair .

i need a awakening call .

2010-08-17T13:38:00.002+08:00

i miss long rides back home , alone. with my walkman eairpiece blasting off music into my fragile eardrums. i miss waiting for your texts , even if its just a simple 'hey' . i miss thinking about u along eastcoastpark alone at 11pm on simple nights that i found it sophiscated . i miss that chance when u walked me home , kissed me goodnight and asked if this could be done everynight , when i said no .. i missed that old you who would allow me to be a kiddy almost always but let me respect myself sometimes as an young adult . now, where'd u go ..?

awakening pressure.

2010-07-11T00:56:00.001+08:00

It was so surreal, standing here before him like this. I never thought I’d be one to tangle myself in such an elaborate relationship, one with nothing but fear and anxiety at every turn, trust just barely hanging on in the balance of things; but then again, I never thought I’d meet someone like him. He was so charming in such a mysterious way. I suppose that’s what drew me in when it all began, those unreadable hazel eyes and inscrutable smiles, mesmerizing words with double meanings and elegant, tantalizing gestures.

The rumors had been going around for a while now, and I’d always ignored them, telling myself that no, he wouldn’t do that to me. He’d told me himself, he only wanted me, but as time wore on, I began to find that hard to believe. He was so perfect, so graceful, flawless, excelled at everything he tried to do. And I was just average, nothing more than another face in the crowd. Why would he want me when he could have so, so much better? It made no sense whatsoever, not in my mind.

And then the rumors got worse, all kinds of horrendous notions surfacing. He’d cheated on me. He was only going out with me because of a bet he’d made with his friends. He’d already found someone better and was going to dump me by the end of the week. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to know the truth.

I’d put it off for a day or two, trying to work up the courage to ask him, but the confrontation was inevitable. I knew, sooner or later I’d have to ask him; my own paranoia would get the better of me. And so, here we were, standing awkwardly just a foot or so away from each other, me, on the verge of tears, and him, trying to console me, but unable to hold me, for I kept shying away. I needed an answer. I needed to know.

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, and I wiped irately at it. No, I would not be this weak. I would not be so fragile that I’d cry at the slightest of misfortunes. No, I had to be strong, or he’d think that he could walk all over me, use me as if I was nothing more than a toy.

He sighed softly and took a step closer to me, his eyes locked on mine, his hand reaching out to trace along my jaw line, and this time, I didn’t step away, didn’t protest. I let him. As much as I hated to admit it, a part of me craved his touch, yearned incessantly for his gentle, sweet fingers to ghost over my skin.

“I love you,” he offered up quietly, maintaining confident eye contact.

I narrowed my eyes at him. That’s all he had to say? That’s the best he could come up with? No. I wouldn’t fall for it. I jerked myself out of his reach again.

“No, you don’t,” I hissed, seeing straight through his lies. And the more I thought about it, the more absurd the notion seemed, and the angrier I got. My voice rose a notch in pitch and volume as I growled, “Take that back.”

He shook his head at me, his eyes never leaving mine. He stepped towards me again and this time took my hands in his, fingers running lovingly over my fragile skin.

“Yes, I do,” he persisted, almost seeming sincere in his manner of speech, “More than anything.”

Upon hearing this, my anger flared up, all of the emotions I’d kept bottled up within me bubbling up in one explosive outburst.

“No!” I shouted, yanking my hands away from his. I shot the harshest glare I could muster at him, “You’re a liar.”

He sighed again and murmured softly at me, my name slipping out easily between those pink lips. I gritted my teeth and let out another loud shout, words and insults and profanities tumbling out of my mouth, unstoppable. I cursed and screamed and said every worst thing to him, telling him I hated him, I never wanted to see him again. He was an idiot for believing I’d never decipher his true intentions, an even bigger one for even thinking that he’d be able to persuade me otherwise.

And he stood and listened, patiently as I relentlessly, mercilessly hurled insults his way. He didn’t flinch, not once, simply let me let out whatever I’d been holding back. I yelled, ranted on and on until my throat was hoarse and frustrated tears streamed down my cheeks. Sobs began shaking my chest, making it hard for me to speak without choking on my own words. And then all I could do was cry, shoulders shaking, body hunched, arms wrapped tightly around my own torso as if to hold it together as I fell apart.

And it was then that he finally reacted. He took me into my arms and held me tightly to his chest, whispering sweet nothings in my ear and rubbing my back soothingly. He held me with tender arms, nothing short of loving. And when I had calmed, he lifted my face up to his and, without a word, pressed his lips to mine, moving them with gentle pressure against mine. And despite myself, I found my arms raising to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to me as my body screamed for me to do.

Neither of us spoke nor made any move to break this moment, simply stood, together, as the rest of the world faded away. And, just like that, with sweet kisses and gentle hands, he wiped away all doubt that I’d held. I could feel it in this kiss, the passion, the devotion, the most intense, sincerest adoration he held for me; I could feel it all in the way his lips moved with mine.

He loved me. He really did. It was so surreal.

Just a little story I wrote a while back, completely fictional. Hope you like it :]

by isabellasunday

2 years .

2010-04-21T10:27:00.006+08:00

saw ur picha, with another girl. u smiling along , but u dont look happy., i know cause those eyes dont tell me so.. it has been years, after u dump eveything on me and left. my chest tighten , my fist clenched. thts when i realised th scar is still there.. u said ure happy but i noe ure not.. she aint ur happiness so why cannt u just see ? ure just dumb or plain stupid a-hole.? wht past is past yeah, but thts just up to us isint it ? cause it seems like just yesterday for me.. shit, i still cannt believe i begged u .. u asked for forgiveness, oh well , go die. sorry wont apply to how much it hurts me. if sorry was enough, why is there police and justice in this world. i cannt imagine if i had to be stuck with u..

awakening of myself..

2010-04-14T01:17:00.005+08:00

u were searching and digging out frm th past , when we used to be a thing. but now , this is who i am. its been 7 years , we cannt turn back to where we used to stand as one. cause since then., when i was removed frm ur heart, ive learned to be much stronger than who i was , much more perplexed, much more to be bulletproof frm ur mistakes .. i wont hate u , cause u cannt be changed, u refused to change though people has given u chances , mostly me.. and since i cannt wait, i'd to move on. i love u , but loving someone who cannt love u back th way u wanted to be loved, is th most sinful thing ive ever felt in my life. and because of that, i will move on. no matter what happen between us frm th past till now., everything has to stop , things between us , it has to be a fullstop now. cause maybe bby, both of us donot wants to continue , but just cannt let go of th momentous past , we just let it carry on. but ive woken up frm this dream. th dream of fantasy that i cannt turn into reality. i hope u can wake up someday, cause i believe as long as one of us knows abt how to change , maybe another will follow suit. both of us know our hopes and dreams. though ive loved u , this doesnt mean i have to stop loving u, i can love u frm afar , maybe in a proper way of loving a person.. although i dont know about our future, lets pray tell that we can still be friends. cause being arkward around isint me at all and i noe u wont like that either. so , lets just live on , continue abt our daily perspects , only in a differnt route . cause theres no more me + you. its only me , and you..

self-potraits.

2010-03-07T13:20:00.008+08:00

Now sitting in the ER next tuh mom, i felt almost th same way ; as if my life was a house that had burned down, leaving me on the sidewalk with nothing but the ESSENTIAL dellila. i wasnt my dad's favourite girl anymore. i wasnt going to grow up to be a famous singer/song writer/comper/music producer/entertainment industry's king , like him ; thanks to ********. the odds were pretty good that i wasnt going to grow up at all. i wasnt destiny's child anymore , either, the ordinary hman who could not get hurt by any means frm anyone or everyone. i wasnt his girlfriend ; i had thrown that away , so easily that i myself cannt imagine i could ever, i used to treasure this relationship to every bits as long as i remembered .. but things changed, people changed. i guess ive changed to ulmost somebody else ..; and if ally and all my other bffs were still willing to be pals with me it was more than i deserved. cause i just realised ive been the most ultimate unhuman human being that anyone can ever imagine..

It sounds as if i was depressed, but i had passed through desolation and was in the strange country beyond that, with the burned shell of my old life behind me , i suppose you could say i felt empty, but stripped down would be closer ; clearheaded, too and clear-eyed. All my life it seemed to me , i had USED people. performed for them, charmed and joked and bribed my way into their hearts. ins, instead of myself,i gave them the dellila show, hoping that maybe my thoughtlessness and quick temper and laziness would be forgiven if only the show was funny enough, fast enough. but the audience had left the theater, and the stage lights were going down, no show left. just dellila.

this is everything i noe for sure :
i jump off things. i also jump over things (sometimes) and into them (often) . i have been known to skin my knees. i swish i didnt care about the way i look, but i care alot. i like fresh squeezed orange juice at breakfast and the smell of cooking garlic at dinner. ther's still a vein of unhappiness in my mother that nevers goes away.,that makes me angry and it makes me feel guilty. i hate that i cant fix it but i know that i cannt: and all that being said, it wouldn't kill me to do dishes a couple more times a week. i hate waiting and i hate being scared . i've let a alot of people down, but when i can finally stop thinking about myself, i find i still love them, fiercely. i hate dogs. i cannt wear orange, which just is true for some people, and even when i panic i can usually keep thinking , im told that as a child i was very kind to the kids other people made fun of. i dont remember this, but i do know that my teachers always put me at the table with the foreign exchange students. come to think of it, thts probably how i met ally :D
my name is dellila dheroza and i hate my real name though its real special. my daddy named me a name that only me in this whole wide world own it and i love it but i kindda hate it cause of personal reasons . And i remembered when i was a little girl i tried to eat a red crayon because it was such a beautiful color. if i close my eyes , i can still remember how it was goinna taste . or like that time i jumped off th garage and hurt my ankle i remember sitting in th ER thinking how drastically pain simplifies the world. all your usual thoughts -- hair ,TV, lappies,school, whether people like you and whether you want them to -- all that goes away,. your world shrinks down to the edge of your skin and its just you, the animal.

dying..

2010-02-24T02:19:00.004+08:00

im alive but im barely breathing,

and im praying tuh a god that i barely believe in.

that things are all goinna be just okay..

dead.

2010-02-08T02:40:00.002+08:00

thisblogisdead.thisblogisdead.thisblogisdead.
one last post till Nlevels' done.
okay best. buhbbyiies(:

finally.

2010-01-22T00:09:00.003+08:00

finally hes going to be here ! :)
never ever had i realised its going to be too soon. way too soon i say.
my beloved just got me all shocked and surprised for that big day , in which he just told me he is arriving here in s'pore on 30th , 7pm . My god , ive been waiting or that day for like for-ever.
i cannt wait to embrace him here. finally, we'll be together love :) just YOU and ME :>
what we've both been mentioning and dreaming about. On that day, we both would have taken our first step to our relationship, or a step-higher i shall say. i cannt think of anything after which will happen when ure here. theres many , millions things i can imagine about.
and theres more to add on when ure here.
lets countdown till heaven , love.
i love you <3

:>

2010-01-21T23:54:00.004+08:00

i love myself , i'll just keep saying that :>

news.news.news.

2010-01-18T02:14:00.006+08:00

morning wokeup at 12+
went t meet fifa at 3.30.
reached orchard at 4.
met fifa at 4.15 (sorry i was late .__. again )
went t eat . shop , shop , and shop.
bought rings. DRAGON :)
bought lipgloss-es.
like freaking 3 of them ??
and one babycream-smthsmth.
but damn fcking nice :)
and then went to this THE hil-smthsmth .cause fee wanna pee.__. like soo damn fcking badly., we ran up
for th toilet.
as we were coming out., these bunch of guys came and talk to us.
i ignored and walked away but fee stayed and listen.
what ?? i <3>
anw, fee also att .__.
and then she started to smile smile so i thought like wtf is gg on ?
and only then i found out they wants us to model for their trainings at tony & guy saloon .
what-the-heck ?
kay fine so they asked me and fifa if we can make it tmr and wednesday.
fifa agreed._.
and whoaaa., they give free shine and treatment. I WANT !
hhahahahah :)
so its like, tmr its fee turn. wednesday my turn :D
annnd we found this really pretty makeup frm korea.
its like face shine . we tried out and it worked like wonder.
wow.
i wanted to buy., but i bought lipgloss instead. idk why ?
but their lipgloss also have this icey feeling which i loveeeee it to th max :)
and so went up., actually wanted to check out if VALENTINES' day is out yet anot.
which wasnt .__.
so we kinda turned around and i saw that sakae sushi.
i've never been to sakae sushi .
whoa right ?
so i decided , why not try it for dinner ?
:DD
but fees' alrdy broke , so i ended up treating us a nice lil sushi dinner :DD
it was awesome !
omg., it was damn cheap too !
im sure i will try it again next time . anyone want ?
my treat ! :DD
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
but my cash also flying very quickie.
since mommy gone., ive alrdy spent like 1.3k
and now only left like afew thousands.
minus off every bills and everything that ive gotta spent on , on must-have stuffs,
ive only left like a thousand plus ??
gosh.
must save soon.
must start being thrifty :)
GARRRRRR.
wish i can control my spending D:
plus., im spending tooo much money on EATING ! .___.
getting FATTER AND FATTER.
geeez. im goinna give mommy a shock once she get back.
whoohoo :D
so now., my moto for tday.,
eat less. SAVE MORE ! :DD

its 3am., shld be sleeping now. nights folks. love never fades :)

news.news.news.

2010-01-18T02:14:00.001+08:00

//caramel frappe. EVERYONE loves it. :)

2010-01-13T23:41:00.011+08:00

credited ; joe.

you got up in the morning and ure pumped-its almost like being a STAR -- you care abt
how u look cause; u know ppl are looking at you.

but no one's going around saying like, wow. IM in a group of friends. im OFFICIALLY cool.
im sooooo popular.
whts annoying are these pathetic losers who are always like, oooo where did she get all messy trashy .
the worst are the people who dont hangout with anyone real and dont say anything at all. they scares me. really .

i wished they had some medication.

sometimes people change sooo much that you almost want to be like, excuse me, are u so-and-so or is that someone borrowing ur body for quite some time now ? so if u keep asking me if i miss so-and-so.,
i'd have to say - what ? pardon ? which so-and-so . ?
because the one she is now is not someone anyone would miss, unless ure into some freaking shows.

everyone's a drama whore. even though the first thing people say in their whatever profiles they have is
; i-hate-drama . like , just admit you lovvve it? even those series books., even the reality shows. even those boring unfaumous celebs..

ohhh how boring would they be without gossips, backstabbing , bitching about other innocent souls.

puhhh-leeeaseee . u guys arent sooo THAT innocent yourself, stop pointing fingers at people.

or a person for example, u all just look trashy to me., troubesome lots .

such A pity yeah .? tssk.tssk.

i get this feeling that ______ is a fake. shes the kindda girl who bitches but never loses that uptight look.and w.t.f is up with her and ______? you cannt exactly have a friend who tells you that shes not into all those dramas AND bullshits , and doesnt wanna get involved. AND then she's secretly hanging out with you enemy. ha. what-the-fuck is up with that huh ?

__A__ is sucked in by __b___ cause ; __A__ is needy . __A__ doesnt get that needier , ure one the more of a loser you are. YOU dont walk into a room and look around to see whos actually noticing you. thts what A does.

but i have an edge, thts MY trademark . AND i was being JUDGED.
big deal. u arent the only human who hates/lovees/likes/dislikes me.
theres more to it than there is now. u just have to step forward and see my windows :)

you pretty much need a chart to figure out who was friends with who and who hooked up with who and how it keeps changing . someone's always leaving, like _____ - she an ____ had this little rift so she basically started hanging out with these *be-it-girl freaks she just/used to know. oh well, i dont really care :D
i just dont feel u guy's torture anymore , yeah ?

if u wanna push it harder ., go ahead.
oneday u would just get over it and decades later , i hope u would wake and realised that uve just wasted maybe an hour or two altogether of ur life hating someone ( whoever ) that doesnt EVEN care about what u do or even who u are as anybody in this society now.
by then, i hope u guys've grown up and also know that uve just wasted ur tiny little brain cells.
i wished u guys the very best :)

cheers#

<3

2010-01-03T02:19:00.006+08:00

When I met you boy my heart went knock knock

Now them butterflies in my stomach wont stop stop

And even though its a struggle love is all we got

And we gon’ keep keep climbing till the mountain top

It’s incredible how the lyrics to every song make perfect sense whenever I blast it in my Ipod, and how there’s nothing wrong with it as we screamed out hearts out to the words when the dj spinned the record. One night, I thought through about the whole intention of the different tracks up in my playlist. They never even make half the sense in my life. These arias are not the full picture of a story. Most of the time, songs are lies, and singers are hypocrites. We are the losers that believed in the existence of phoenix and paragon, and eventually screwed ourselves.

Here comes the most terrific chapter in this post. Wrong, it’s not that I have fallen in love. What’s so terrific about this is that I made a few wrong turns in this journey lately. Everyone understood that in every case in life we would be stuck in a situation whereby we have to select one choice out of two options. Everywhere, wherever we go, God gives us two options. To, or not to. My mind and my heart got tangled up in a ball, and I think they are the most volatile organ in the human body. They withdraw to work with one another, or worst, refused to even function as an individual tool.

Each corner I turned too, it would be the darkly tenebrous empty creepy places. Like a rat, I smelled my way through against the wall, unknown about my destiny. In chills and shivers even a candle should suffice for now. But, who is there to depend on now?

SITT-OO-AUNG . he holds my life. my future. i, LOVE you , bby.

forever , i promise <3

2009-11-23T18:40:00.006+08:00

What are we supposed to do When right things go wrong How are we gonna deal with the one who left you lost and unfound

It's true that your famous lips were the reason. Don't matter, tortures and heartbreaks had become the tradition. Some people need to bleed to know they are still alive after consecutive nights of vodkas and first class drugs. If they wish to keep on running and chasing, no one can ever stop them. We were once these small town kids, throwing gummy bears at each others' faces. Telling our grandfather's stories under the Yangon city lights. Give me another day, when out of the sudden they talk about Singapore . Conceding that this soul lost its body, there's nothing much I can do to send the truth about Singapore. Singapore's a complete lie. Once you go over, the chances are you will never be throwing gummy bears again. Notice the massive kilograms of weight right below this sighting instrument. Bobbi Brown's concealers do not work much to ease off this trouble. I have to be seen purposely hanging it for public to see, and leave them to comprehend about the causes. These do not, in any way, save me from the world. Or neither does it save the world from me. But at the very least, this is just a reminder that I am in the process of getting stronger. One feet at her tip, I felt the rain touch the end of my nose. With the breeze following the beat of your heart, and collaborating with your every breathe, even butterflies exists at 1,063 feet tall above the ground. I'd pretend that I have majestically statuesque wide wings like an angel's, and spread it with grace. One, two, I fall from the denotation of Paris. Feeling the strength of gravity, at the other end comes by beautiful rescue. There could be some way. How about a blade? A blade to poke through every sinner part of you and let you bleed out the devil. I wouldn't want to stay awake every night thinking about someone whose part devil, all the time.

# another summer t look forward

2009-11-23T18:36:00.002+08:00

Like I had ever mentioned, rainbows come into sight after a heavy down pour. Glazing up to admire the radiant features of the sky, it slowly introduced me to the seven vibrant colors that lined across the blank blue piece. Despite the incessant cold drizzles that penetrated through my bones, the inauguration seemed to brought the maximum satisfaction. On another note, every beginning has an ending. Endings are never beautiful. Meanwhile I will just play as much magical stardust Tinkerbell can naturally provide.

Inexplicable and cruel caprice of fate. Cigarettes inevitably behaved like an alter ego. What more Bacardi Martini. Clearly my mind was a miscellany of depressing songs and messed up emotions. This version of my own has twice drama as much as The Hills and 90210. Ironically, I'm living in a battlefield full of little kids pretending to know a lot about political issues. I suggest you to discard your ruse of charm against me, which for the record I have a huge problem with. I'll tell you one time, guess I needed your attention the least now. For now.

Meet me The Bitter End tonight, I'm probably tired of the club remix versions of my favourite songs. I am sick of the grinding and house music. I hear it constantly, at the drive way, in malls and even at the backseat of my boyfriend's car. If you'd take me out from the sedation of my pain, why not we start listening to country music? I miss the Oreo Cheese cakes and a story-telling of my life within a night. And the sincerest meaning to every word in the lyrics.

I wished I had chosen Malibu over California.

# its all down tothe truth ..

2009-11-23T16:34:00.002+08:00

Don’t you dare tell me nothing matters.
Everything matters.
Every fucking drop of rain, every ray of sunlight,
every wisp of cloud matters.

Each time we rise, we will definitely fall back once more. Go figure, it just another old boring repeatable cycle. If you have strong sense of divination, you would be able to handle life agonizing situations pretty well, never let the thought of suicide for an option even. Tragedies stench life pretty amazingly. We gathered all the kindred spirits that we can think of, as if they provide the best strength to battle. Then, at later point of life you turned back at what you've been through, they gave the every reason on why you are where you're at now. They remind you how worthy, how eloquent, how explicitly real your experiences are.

Secrets. I have secrets I never knew myself. Probably some part of me which I never knew existed, is bargaining to conceal them perfectly. But on the other hand, secrets are surprises. And surprises are really exhilarating.

The truth is..

behind those hazel-ed eyes.

2009-11-21T11:57:00.007+08:00

I wish for a life

to catch stars with barefists

I wish for a happy ending

without anyone to please.

I am going to tell you a story of a girl who did absolutely nothing but received some kind of probation shits. I wouldn't really get all upset because 10pm is reasonable enough for someone who wishes to be an anti-socialist already but wait a moment, at 8pm? My typical day would start just 5 to 6 hours before. Are you trying to kill me? Or are you trying to help me achieve my wish of being an anti-socialist? Whichever, its definately not working out for me. And the whole idea of being an anti-socialist is just an idiotic form of exaggeration, maybe to please you because you think I'm friends with the whole world. I dont find any harm in creating relationships even with creatures from another planet.

I dont see why in life we should have limits. It's almost like disallowing yourself to grow. Limits are some lame policy that prevent us to spread wide and soar. I want to live a life without limits, so that I can create a life the way I want because eventually life will lead me to a place I really belong. I feel parents shouldn't protect us from all those dangerous consequences because sometimes, we need to learn things the hard way. That will be alot meaningful. It builds a higher self esteem on young individuals as we start to believe in our capabilities and independence.

I am getting very sick with people pressurising my parents about me having different kinds of people to hang out with as creating an unhealthy identity. It is not my fault that you're not well-likeable by people. Maybe you would want to sit and reflect about how you tried to enforce misery in someone's life? Totally not working, it's annoying because it's too much. Yes I sit in the couch on the phone conferencing with a couple of mates on a Stay Home Saturday, I spend 3/4 of my allowance on pizzasand cocktails on a typical Friday night and I party with the whole happy world but I still get my shits done. Don't you see it's part of being 6teen?

Sorry that about the three paragraphs. I am just flabbergasted to what's happening in my life so far. But I believe even after all those shitty occurence, always on the lookout for the presence of wonders. That thought keeps me happy. I still have everything I need. I still have angels that never stop to create euphoric times that will be stored in heart as long as I live. They say: Nobody said life wouldn't be painful. They just promised that it'll be worth it.

Maybe some of you little kids have little tiny question marks above your heads at this point of time after reading this post, but I'll promise you the next post will be atleast less flat as this. I still love you folks, never fade.

malibu.australia .

2009-11-21T11:49:00.000+08:00

Now when I no longer reach for the pillow when a thing goes wrong wishing that my life had been as great as in The Hills, the world grew to be a much better place than Laguna Beach even though the tales in my life don't line up like Grey's Anatomy and the characters dont speak as devotingly as Boy Meets World. Let destiny blow me away to some place I belong.

I've seen several flyers stating quotes as it to tell the kids to run up with their arms spread wide, kick the huge wave and be different. When in fact, being different is a sin in the eyes of souls who used to live in the 80s. I want to think about pink cars, dance waltz on rooftops and have cocktails for supper. I still want to come off a little wild at some exclusive buffet where board of directors from different part of the world attends. The boldest reason is that I still want to be seventeen. It works this way - I set my goals and live my life. And if some people have a problem with that, by all means screw you losers.

Anyone in the world can assure me promises to forever. Noone can ever define it with actions, far from proving it. Boys, that's what's left in the world in this century. It's a good thing that Rock and Roll still exists. And donuts. And you little kids, I love you.

`beautiful sundown.

2009-11-21T11:44:00.001+08:00

Watch the sun go down over the ocean tide,
the wind is blowing from the shore through my hair.
It's beautiful tonight, I can't explain,
but I want to feel like a butterfly,
as free as I want to be - as open as the sea.

kiss of freedom.

2009-11-16T14:21:00.002+08:00

everyone's waiting for this.
and their own better version of Cinderella's story.
its goinna be a good night.

# my drug.

2009-11-16T12:04:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's hard to see the lines we've drawn until we've crossed them. That's when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back and give us something to hold onto. Then there are the clearly marked lines. The ones that if you dare cross, you may never find your way back.
Gossip Girl

2009-11-16T12:02:00.002+08:00

I have issues. Strange issues, the sort that speaks absurdity all the time and you have no slightest idea what is going through her demented mind that you wished you could grab the oversized Spongebob Squarepants toy from Toys R Us and stuff it in my mouth in less than half a second. According to the humble opinion of people, I lived somewhere out of the universe where stars CAN fall on your laps, flowers can bloom beautifully within 5.32 seconds once you snap your fingers the right way. Sadly my body is trapped in the reality of the cruel world known as the Earth. But I am here for a reason. I will tell you why. I am here to make ordinary dreams extraordinary. I am here to make history more exciting, more frenzied, more beautiful then any history book ever written that you have ever read. I dont believe knowing oneself just through 8 digits. It's a total shit. In Spring I make full use of the vintage butterfly net catcher at a garden placed at one end of Mississippi to capture lustful looking butterflies and gently place them in a large glass jar. By noon, the glass jar will be filled with amazing colours that flickers radiantly under the afternoon sunshine. I bet you will be amused by the display of my overwhelming contentment once I carefully lift the lid. Wouldn't your worries be washed away by the magic of the elegance floating across the air? I assure a hundred dollars that you would be NEVER regret by the sight of it. I believe in magic, maybe not the magic where magicians shoved a rabbit in his infamous hat and 2 seconds later the animal turn into colorful confetties, but more of serendipity. Like when you are searching for something all these years but suddenly you find something totally different, but it gives you more bliss than what you thought you were looking for. Life doesnt go the Harry Potter way, you couldnt go around waving your wand at the cookie jar in your demanding 'Accio cookie jar' voice and the next second its flying towards your way and the next its in your hands. Things dont revolve around you, no matter how richer you are then Paris Hilton. I have a level of obsession on novels and dramas that had filth my mind and suck up my capability of identifying whats fiction and real. I would call you in the middle of the night blabbering my grandmas stories and how I pictured it would be if we could slide down the rainbow and add glitters to it, I BElieve it hold a more profound meaning to some wishful youths like me. Sometimes I feel like being friends with Timmy Turner, then shove a little self-esteem so that he wouldn't just start every sentence with 'I wish' and get dependable with Cosmo and Wanda instead of getting his bums up conducting what he wished for. IN my world, everyone is a pony. We people are ponies. We eat rainbows and poop extremely cute pixies to LOVE. Isn't life great?

<3

2009-11-16T12:01:00.002+08:00

Meet my boyfriend, that I love truly.

The person who is more than willing to spent all his summertime on a hot air balloon with you, who teases you beautiful under the snowfall and picks every color of bloom roses in spring just to see you jump with excitement. He'd bring you hot chocolate with colourful marshmellows upon hearing you have a fever of 37 degrees and make you peanutbutter with raspberry jelly waffles before classes knowing you often skip breakfast. He would say what he meant, and meant what he says even if its a sentence make up of three words. He can almost make your heart burst by saying those devoting things. Every breath that he takes, you know he's thinking of you. At times, you and him can argue how sexy Ashton Kutcher is in a pair of G string but still hold hands and doesnt involve much tears. Even though he lives in a house full of roadsigns and all of his homemates and himself walks around the house with sissy boxers, you're still certain that he only loves you. He will still call you 'Hey Sexy' or 'Hey Beautiful' despite knowing you certainly do not look pulchritudinous with Mrs Henry's brownies stuck in between your front teeth. At Saturday evenings he'd bring you down to Laguna Beach, California with his fantastical convertable just to catch the Sunset with you. If your feet feels hurt after a three hour shopping along 791 Madison Avenue all the way to 280 Mott Street, he would willingly let you wear his runners and he wears your pair of Donna Karan's wedge. He doesnt care if a million eyes staring and the fact that you can still laugh at him when he does you a big sexy favour. He doesnt care, doesnt care at all because he wants you to feel pleasantly happy. He will write plenty of songs with his friends and let the whole world know how much you mean to him, just like how much a slice of Oreo Cheesecake mean to you (:
but the secret is, these men only exists in dellila dheroza's fantasy. Story of my life :)

# lala. updates.updates :))

2009-11-15T14:01:00.009+08:00

heyheyhey ...
these pichas are a farewell to 09.
soreey ikah., these i owed u since like 6mths ago.. :DD
okaaay da. later then update.
:)
ciaaao
xoxo

# total blackouts o.O ??

2009-11-11T14:53:00.002+08:00

OKAAAY. heres th thing..

on 9th. was my bday :DD yay!
learnt lotsa stuffs.
well th list goes on.

1) blackouts on bday is totally UN-awesome.and i meant the whole HDB's blackout while ure just goinna blow some candles of ur bday cake .___. sooo uncool.
2) never.ever.ever ORDER extra large sets or UPSIZE any of th pasta menus of PASTA MANIA's dishes. cause u never noe ure goinna end up being forced to eat up all by ur *best* frds & family.
3) never.ever. leave ur room unlocked on ur bday cause u never knew who would crawl inside and give u a suprise party :DD
4) NEVER ever tell anyone abt ur bday.... SHIT.
5) never watch any horror movies th night before just to wait up till 12am to celebrate ur bday or made mum embrace u for entering her womb. ew ?
6) bring extra clothes .,makeup && perfume when ure out on ur bday cause u'll never know whos goinna just BUMP into u and sabo u with eggs with flour and spices of *******.

well last but not least. THANKYOU everyone for ur wishes.texts.pressies! :DD ,food, friggin sabotages and whtevershit u guys did what u guys thought was best for my bday. (eff., yeah right)
THANKYOUU THANKYOUU THANKYOUU THANKYOUU.

&& brandon., beware of ur christcursedfriggin ass th next time u say those words..
thanks phoo :) thanks bby :) thanks mum,for christsake dont cry , ur firstborn jst reached her sweet 16 :) thanks daddy for ur awesome idea.__. thanks bro for ur awesome-st bearHUGGS. (im just sayin') ., and thanks many many more. kitkatbitch i<3you :)) jx.,joedy.,marcus., joe (nope., not joejonas), aly :DD , fee., lola., frances., nick:) ., alicia, ELYSSA :)) , ronald :) ., DADDY(: ., all our burmese gangs ., all my fav girlfs <3 ., all my bitchness-relatives., cousins etc for ur wonderful presents and wishes. and last but not least., thankyou love, for ur wonderful life uve given up for me :) ur tolerance. ur love., ur everything. ure what uve made me now. HAPPY 1st year annivarsary :) i love you bby <3 forever , i promise now. like u did a year ago and kept ur word and life on that :)

&& lastly ( i promise ., i promise this will be th last of th lastly series )., thanks mommy and daddy for bringing me into this world.
my sweet 16 was waayyy better than ive expected it to be.
:)
though ive always hated th way uve disallowed me to rock my life.
thankyou.
if not for u and ur love for eachother., i wouldnt be here.
as well as bro for making my whole day memorable .__.
thankyou all.
and those who've just missed my party.
DNT WORRY.
my 18th will be th BIGGER one :)
be it my frds or foe.
u'll be invited :)

and thanks daddy and mommy for understanding my life when those failures ive
made.
th mistakes .
letting me learn from it and instead of making me miserable.
uve made me realise it in a better way and taught me hw not to repeat it.
thankyou.
everyone made mistakes and yes., i'll learn from this.
though ive dropped down to a less demanding stream.,
i promise i'll work hard.
and u promised to be more *supportive .
*means tuitions. . i see...
well ., i wont give up.
dont fret.
im not as such th biggest loser frm that big failure.
:DD

All over again

& bby ., my dearest kush.
love.,
ure th greatest miracle in my life.
i wont tell u this every sec but if i were to be able to., i will :)
Today, one whole year has come and gone Since the day your heart and mine

Since the day we met, the sparks in our souls ignited...

Today, the globe has returned again To the spot where it began its journey . That moonlit night, sweet as honey, When our journey of love first began.

my love for you has grown my life's been filled with excitement...

sharing good times and the bad, we cry, we laugh, we love and with every step together...

The rings exchanged so small and round, were not where faith, in each were bound.
Within the kiss, between we two, is all our love
and I would like to say
I will love you for forever
you are special in every way...
I wanted the time to stop, i want that moment to last forever.
But forever was short enough.
I can't describe our love into words, but i know you felt it yesterday and everyday other day.

If i were to write my feelings down, it'd be never ending.

I love you SITT OO AUNG <3
swear i do bby :)
Happy first year anniversery

when ure dreaming with a broken heart , waking up is th hardest part ..//

2009-11-02T23:23:00.003+08:00

2009-11-02T22:29:00.003+08:00

tgther., we're one whole family .
i love u all .,
daddy.
mummy.
bro :)
arrrrbwwwaaarrr :DD

` unforgettable

2009-09-22T03:19:00.002+08:00

i cannt sleep.
hvnt done art .
mom and dadd away in mlysia.
misses them.
talking with bby 24/7.
hmwrks sucked.
hvnt even look at my essay .
feeling terribly sick now..
dk if i could make it tmr.
but i'll have so much. soo much to catch up later.
ugh.
lifes' really a bitch .
go figure..

` my story . then .

2009-09-17T21:11:00.010+08:00

then :
i just have this feeling . ive been trying to lose it all evening but its persistence is weighing on me. its saturday night and ive been at th library., tryinna disect a 30 secs stint of a Hitchcock flick and write a twenty page paper onit for this class im taking ., tutions . yeas , that was random. i was pretty young then.* age not stated. dw to .
just for beginners. my tutor is an attractive woman , kind of delicate in a petite way . in her ealry forties . who wore black , a few hints of while every now and again and a constant red lipstick. smetimes i notice th color bleeding beyond its normal expectations., fililng in th lines and cracks that extend past th natural acrcs and curves of her mouth and into th age of her tanned skin. she has brown eyes ., unlike most of us who has black or dark browns., and blunted ashy blond hair. she colors it. or atleast someone colors it for her. i can tell that she's got naturally dark hair under there and that fascinates me. such th extreme . a private tutor who credits vanity as a concern. shes very * foreign looking , maybe because she doesnt live in s'pore much. she commutes in order to teach private tuitions to th likes of me in s'pore. i find her unique. and i find her to be way more interesting than th twenty-paper that im supposed to be writing - but its not due actually for another few weeks so its okay.

im cabbing home , i guess home . th uncles ashtray is filled with change and rubber bands he use to tie his hair ( yeah he got a long hair. eugh ) ., or rubber bands his frds use to tie back *their ( eugh?? ) or rubber bands that their frds use to tie back their hair ( EUGGH! ) . ther are a few unpaid parking tickets in his glove compartment and even more cracked CD cases-- no CDs ; they're probably in there somewhere . th plastic attachable coffee tray is cradiling th coffee i picked up that morning on my way to th library. i only took a fw sips. it was really hot . i take my coffee light and sweet . Now at th surface al i can see is white and a few crinkles of tan. i should probably dump that .

so i still have this feeling . which was unusual because i dont usually feel much of anything . i meani feel hot and cold , i feel that delayed rush of pain when i walk into th corner of somthing and stub my toe, but thts pretty much it. i feel angry and scared and sad most of th time, but ive grown so use to it that i just doesnt feel much of anything anymore. thts why this is such a strange night.
'cause i have this feeling.
i feel like i want to rip my seat belt off. its not like theres a seat belt law though theres one ., but oneof th only automatic things abt cabbies is th seat belt . it zips around, passes right infront of my face, th minute i sat back and th car hit th road, it feels confining suddenly now that im on th road, but if i try to rip off im sure i'll get into an accident. so instead
i roll down th window . all th way , urging th long-haired-uncle-taxi-driver to drive real fast., on a cold autumn evening on s'pore highway.

th wind filled th car and it doesnt make me cold. it makes me certain. certain of this something. so far all thi timei could count on just feeling cold, well now i feel only this feeling that tells me something's wrong. And ofcourse i know that everything is wrong.
but now something in my everything is definetely wrong .

instead of going home like im supposed to , again i urged th cabbie driver to drive past my street and make a left on *****. no one is around, really. th leaves on th oak trees are missing, too. and their wickery wiry branches have turned them into skeletons.

i live near my school. a few stranglers were out walking their dogs ; i can see them coming through th trees. its saturday night, so random weather-coated cares piled high with friends picking someone up or dropping someone off. thts when i realise,. im alone. all alone. without him. i dont have my watch anymore but i bet its around eleven. and as i get closer and closer to his place., i can feel my heart beating. it isint beating fast. its beating louud. and im careful to shut my emptiness off a few houses shy of his.

everything looks normal. th house is dark. ***** and his roomate , Fred are always drinking by eight. its a big house for just two guys. ***** lives on th high high floor . so i just sit there. down at his block's park., in th dark. hoping that whtever it is thts drawing me to his house will subside now that im here. but instead,
its getting worse every time i open my eyes and absorb th scenery..

i HAD to go inside. if i dont., i know something this dread will combust. like an ache that has been shimmering .somewhat like fear but more like truth.
i dont have a key anymore. ( i lost it on purpose , in front of him , so he'd believe me .)
But i figure he probably left something open. i know how he hates to carry
much of anything. afraid he'll lose his keys like me , i guess. we worked it out that i'd
be at th library and go to bed early tonight. and that i'd sleep at my place cause he'd be
coming home late and didint want to wake me.
liar..

its been a few minutes and i just have to go in. th fear.,, th truth , is getting really loud and begining to hurt . i hugged myself cozy in my navy bubble jacket. its warmand downfilled.
( i missed my dad. )
it gives me a slight comfor as i walk up th driveway and around th back to th sliding glass doors in th kitchen. its so dead quiet . i can hear th gravel and then th grass beneath my shoes. reminds me of rice krispies in th morning..

th door is unlocked. i was right. i like that i was right :) th house is so still and quiet and dark. i leave th door open a bit behind me. his neighbour , a quiet guy , has his TV on upstairs., andthat bit of ight is just enough to allow me to se where im going. my insides are amplified. im not sure what i'll find., if anything at all. im not sure abt wht i wanna find., if anything at all..i jst noe smth is wrong and that something bad might or might not happen i have to see it or not to see it. my gut is emerging from th inside out and is in complete control.

his bron leather bomber jacket that i gave him for his bday last year is handing over one of th mismatcched chairs in his kitchen. he looked so gorgey in that jacket, ( what ?? i gave him ) . i put my fingers on th collar and felt it, its cold. hes here. in th house. i grab it and take it withme as i walk down th hallway toweard his room.

im getting really thirsty and really sweaty . my throat begins to stick together and for a second i cannt find my air.
my eyelids feel very heavy and each time i blinked i feels as though tons of weights are being added.
my heart was screaming aloud slowly..
im awareof my body, of my mind, and of what im doing and where im traveling at this very moment. im my own witness. i stretch my right arm out infront of me and hold his cold jacket to my heart with my left. i find th door and rest my fingertips on its rough wood surface.i can feel th dip and splintering and th small tears in th surface., remembering quickly how they arrived there th week or month before.

i hear nothing. .
my brains told my fingers to apply a small bit of pressure to th door while i just watch.
my body leans forward and my wide eyes peered in. i see nothing. i reach for ht light and flick it on. still nothing.

im relieved and disappointed and im tired..
show's over.
day's over.
i decided to crash.

i grabbed his seats tht are hanging from th top corner of his closet door and put them on. i still love wearing his sweats.they are so so so big and sloppy and worn all th way through.
they made me feel sweet.
i can imagine him damn happy to see me sleeping in his bed when he gets home. i swiched off th light and bundle myself under his covers andbacktrack to my suspiciosns.
'neeah' i thought to myself..

its still so quiet. anin a house this big its scary. hes filthy rich. i reach for th remote on th end table and turned on th television. th noise was immediate and shocking and i scurry to find mute.
and in th next second i heard a thump from above and then a scuffle and a thumb and before i can think i bolt out of bed., down th hallway , up th stairs and down another hallway. im taken abck by th slamming and then a lock on Fred's bedroom door.

without thought ;
i shouted; "hey ??"
nothing.
"hey??!"
NOTHING.
"FRED??"
N O T H I N G.
i started pounding on th door.
N O T H I N G.
pounding.

N O T H I N G .

again i watch as i pound and kick th door. i listen as i shout, fearlessly, ' open th door *****...open it, NOW !!'

N O T H I N G.

" im not going to move ., i wont ever leave this door" i said. " so open it.. NOW ! " i cry.

i stood there with my back to th wall. whimpering , exhaustiong three years in th making., purging itself,
i relinquish my strength and slide down with my legs outstretched and then finally my chin to my chest., my hands over my eyes.

i hear whispers and more movement but i dont get up till i hear slow heavy footsteps coming toward me. Nearly transfixed , i watch th knob of th door make a careful semicircle and by th time i look up, theres ***** filling th doorway in boxers and an awarkward smile from ear to ear.

"whtcha doing here baby ? u mad ?? look th time now., its over ur curfew ??" he ssaid..
hes sooo big and so tall and sooo wide that thers no view behind him . but i noe someone is in there.
i know this because he was nervous and poliete. poliete for him. had he been alone or among friends he would easily skipped th small talk and gotten down to it .

i jst look into his eyes. small in comparison to mine. my shoulders hunched over. my head heavy on my neck, tilting back. he just smiles and laughs and shakes his head frm side to side. its always in this, th middle , where i try to break through and summon thgirl i was when we first met and come to my senses . and i find her all right, but instead of leaving , fast and furious, she rages , forgets her size, forgets her strength and allows th misery , anguish , and desperation to anchor her.

its in this split second that i hear "her" - a new voice but always th same. and quickly , as he looks behind him., i seizeth moment to rush under his arm and through th door and there she was, covered only by th covers , and an expressionless expression.

i heard nth., but yelling. i went perenoid. only heard words that dont sound like much of anything., and then my head bangs quickly aganist th old wood floor and im out and its peaceful.

th slamming of a door wakes me. i wakes me seconds before a hard kick to my side startles me. i dont get up quickly enough for him and so he lifts me., abruptly with his two hands and two thumbs carving through through each of my underarms. as i open my eyes i see him move away from me. away frm me as i slammed into th wall i dnt even realise its behind me. then im coming toward him and then rushed back again and agan back into th wall.
over and over again.

theres yelling that i still cannt make out.

he made me stand up straight with my back against th wall, and he got angrier and angrier with me. i dont have enough energy to hold myself up and as i began to fall , he grabs my hair to make sure that i stay still. but i can feel th tiny hairs breaking from their roots and i know he can, too. so hes lets me loose and i again fall to th floor.

i can feel th moist warm mist of his body hit my face and roll down on me. his shirt gets into my eye and slide down my face. he gets exasperated because i still have no fighting words for him and yet i can still look at him as he screams and shouts. i lie there fighting not to close my eyes ; im afraid this time that they'll never open ..
look at him. LOOK th fuck at him. all i can think abt is him.

theres silence and hes gone. my brain tells my arms to help me up but it doesnt listen. my brain tells my head to move frm side to side but it doesnt listen. and then there's cold water. icey cold prickly water all over me. i looked up at him and saw his expression ; afraid. and very scared.
waiting for me to react. and i did. its fucking cold. and i loved it. i loved th water. i was thankful for it.
and i must be smiling cause his face softens and looked like hes almost into tears but trying his best to shield it all to spoil his victory over me. for a time i havent disappeared . he then lifted me back up., and carries me down th stairs and places me in his bed. he put th television on., tucks me in. i felt cold. then i felt freezing. my top was soaked and all in all., stained with blood frm my mouth and nose.

i wiped them off, hoping it stopped gushing out. i slept a heavy sleep., waking uo forgetful of th night before untill i tried to move and th extreme pain everyinch frm my body retreived. i cocked my had to th side and saw him. hes white as his teeth. perly whites we used to call 'em. and its obvious that he diidnt slept and had been watching me for th whole time. for th whole night . who noes. his deep green eyes bloodshot and swollen.

' im so sorry love''

i said nothing. its amazing., a night before., i'd gave up anything to hear that phrase frm that man . but now, i felt nothing. i felt pain.nausous. deadly.

he laid his head on my stomach and weeps. and wept. but im still really out of it. im outt here i thought.
ive got enough of this shit. im too toughed up to be angry just yet.
im too worn out for a discussion. which is usually how it goes.

" i panicked last night. i thought for sure you would leave me. i lost control and look what i did to u. bby., u bled.
im sorry love, im so sorry.. *weeps.

i love you sound. its because i loves u soo much,love. please forgive me. dont leave me please. i beggs u . please. im sorry. im sorry.im sorry. please dont leave me.. "

i lied back on th pillow and turned my head away .
urging myself to believe what i saw and what had been playing on my mind all these while since i woke up is nothing but a dream. he wept harder. and he wept. all th while holding both of my hands in th shape of a prayer. and he wept.. he wept...

` finally back :)

2009-09-16T20:15:00.001+08:00

guys ., have u ever have a feeling that sometimes ujust feel like disappearing into thin air when things around u turned definetely vodka ?
do u ever wished u never met that someone who was a second before so special to u and
turned out to be such a jackass th next ?
when u found that th actual truth really hurts so badly that u always wanna hear all lies ?
anw , i wanna share with u smone real badly. but dk who .
no. idk if i shld tell anyone at all .
but choosing th *one seems pretty damn hard .
shall just say it to everyone who would read this .
but before i share it .
theres smth abt happy endings that makes me feel like everything's possible. Even for a fleeting moment.
noe what i mean ?
suddenly im optimistic., adventurious, determined , confident by th positive outcome .. all things good. the future looks bright and im part of it . and i make a promise t myself t rmbr that feeling and live it when deemed necessary.

if ure wondering. yes im part of that small majority -- that group of girls who look into the mirror and see th negative before th positive.Overly sensitive slightly neurotic . yeah, 's true. my self esteem playsme like a seesaw . i need that soundtrack, a cocktail, hell., th immediate-gratification impulse purchase to kick th week, the weekend, th evening off light , Pretty pathetic all things considered : th therapy . th achievements . but if ure looking for a rosy tale filled with bogus antidotes and naive untruths , u shld probably set out frm this blog of mine and head back to th chick lit table .
' cause my story is real. damnit .

my ambition to fix whats broken , my fear of looking back with regret , th way i jones for first-kiss intensity every time around. and this relentless inner tic that feels as though it is deserving of anything that this once-in-a-lifetime life has to offer seems to always lland me right smack in th thick of it. so far anw.

my silent dreams and smallish wishes follow me around like puppy dogs, ugh , did i ever to u i mega-ly hates puppy or worse, dogs ?
hellyeah i do hate 'em.
they (not th dogs,damit) constantly propel me to take chances . They make me believe in myself even if th odds are aganist me. And , suddenly, i become "that girl" , th chick who throws one back and walks up to " that guy " -- th one, ofcourse, i think is out of my league. likely , th same guy u chose not to make eye contact with 'cause you probably dont give urself enough credit and instead make a buzzy beeline over to th bugis street sales, wondering what-if during ur ride back home . i become th rookie in th classroom who every once in a while offers up an opinion while simultaneously receiving glares that could light a match frm th venomous veterans who have learned to be agreeable . i don those threads even though they dont fit me quite th say they do th sticks in th ads. i believe. i savor. i imagine. when i get a why ? i inevitably ask , why not ? and if i get a no--well ., i bet u can guess what does that to me .

now.now, before u get all cranky and think me arrogant and unrelatable, let me say this.: NINE times out of ten my instincts are disastrous, th outcome becomes a bad joke , and th subtle confidence youre picking up on is undoubtedly underwritten with sweaty palms, a dry mouth, and a heart beating so boldly you'd think i had my own personal base turned up way too high .

but., alas, what kind of person , friend would i be if i quietly let my gluttonous gut go unheard ? seriously, if i cannt sit through my own movie and leave th theater thinking , " yes., i really did live my life " , well then a full refund is in order! and therin lies th problem.
doubtful any of us get a 'refund'when our own credits start a tollin'. so i say this; go for it . i did .
and i promise, i will. 'MISTAKES' or not , its worth it .
( cautions ; im not suggesting we go leaping off small buildings in a single bound. reckless is hardly th goal. living big means smth diffrnt to ech of us .)

if nothing else, i know this to be true : through th thick and thin of it all, it is with every harmless personal dare that i have found my great happiness.

okay , so what are you waiting for ? pick me up. bring me to th chek out counter, and give me that personal attention i crave. im very low - maintainance acually. i love night-lights, get car sick ( depending on with who and whos' on th same car ) , will eat anything, am fiercely independent , and am cool with a little downtime . but i do have one small request. when ure through with me and if u dont pass me on your friend , cousin, or coworker: how 'bout resting me between brad pitt unauthorized biography and bruce weber's most recent photography book ?

what ? its all good :)

`lovelovelove..

2009-09-03T14:59:00.001+08:00

A man from Vermont got into the habit of leaving his wife little notes. Nothing elaborate — just sweet sentiments like "I love you" or "I can't wait to get home to you tonight," jotted down on Post-it notes and then hidden in places where he knew she'd stumble over them throughout the course of her day. She'd open a drawer or reach into a kitchen cabinet and find a hidden note. From inside the dog food bin, to the laundry hamper, to the driver's seat of her car, the notes were everywhere.

He was in the military, and he was shipped out during the early days of the war in Iraq, where he was killed in action. On the morning of the funeral, his young widow put on her winter coat, placed her hands in her pockets and found the last two notes which he had hidden there for her before he had left home. Knowing exactly what they were, she slowly pulled them out of her pockets.

The first one read, "I will always love you." And the other read, "We will always be together." Did he know the circumstances under which she'd find them? It was hard to say. You can imagine the sorrow she felt as she read them, but think how lucky she was to have had a husband who managed to reach out with a final, loving gesture.

Like this wonderful man, all of us can create ways everyday that say, "I love you." I am suggesting that we think of every day as an opportunity to put a little love in the world. There is an old saying that goes something like this, "Love doesn't make the world go round, but it sure makes the ride worth while." You see, real joy and true happiness are found when we tell someone we care and show them how special they are in our lives.

When I say "love," I do not only mean the kind where two people are locking lips and coming up for air every 10 minutes or so. I am talking about the kind of love that embraces everyone who has a presence in our lives. The kind of love I am talking about extends throughout our circle of life, touching family, friends and co-workers.

I am talking about the kind of love where a woman gives her birthday bouquet away to a co-worker because the co-worker has had some rough financial times and can not afford to purchase a gift for her niece. The woman believes her birthday bouquet will be even more special when the co-worker gives it to her niece. Or, when everyone at a hair salon contributes to making a quilt for their friend who has just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The quilt was filled with their well wishes and served as their own special way to cover their sick friend with love.

An act of love is present when a woman grows out her red silky hair, just so that it could be pulled back in a pony tail and cut to be donated to Locks of Love, a company that makes beautiful wigs for children who have lost their hair to chemotherapy treatments as they battle cancer.

Love is also found within a retired woman who decides to raise money so she can go to Africa where she can best tend to and take care of orphaned children who are affected by HIV and AIDS. We all know stories like these, and we each have our own stories to tell, to inspire us and remind us what really matters. It is in these acts of kindness where the joy of living is found. These acts of love are everywhere, and when we turn our eyes and hearts to them, they touch and change our lives forever.

Defining what love is has been the work of poets and philosophers throughout time, but it's our job too. It is something we all know when we feel it, but words simply are not adequate enough to define it. Love is so many things, a feeling, an intention and a thank you. It is compassionate, it is generous, it is funny, it is serious, it breaks our hearts and yet it heals all things. Love is expressed in a trillion ways, it is found in a smile, blowing a kiss, a wink, a song, a poem, a word or even a batch of chocolate chip cookies. There is so much to say about love, but the heart of the matter is, we all want to be loved and we all want to love.

Today and every day, remember that there are so many ways to say, "I love you." Be a mentor. Teach someone to read. Sit a while with someone who is lonely. Volunteer. Serve food at a shelter. Make art with kids. Compliment someone. Listen to what someone has to say. Visit a friend who is sick. Wave to the women sitting in the window at a nursing home. Tell someone you are thinking about them. Be a role model. Work to build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Lend a hand at the local fire hall. Use your money generously. Walk for what you believe in — peace, breast cancer research and life. Comfort someone when they are sad. Walk your neighbor's dog. Participate in a food drive. Bake or buy something from a bake sale. Donate the clothes you do not wear from your closet, and you will have loved with all of your heart.

`...

2009-08-21T14:22:00.000+08:00

Loose lips sunk ships
I'm getting to grips with what you said
No it's not in my head
I can't awaken the dead
Day after day

Why don't we talk about it
Why do you always doubt that there can be a better way
It doesn't make me wanna stay

Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
Oh we're not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

You say we're fatally flawed
When I'm easily bored
Is that OK?
Strike me off your list
Make this the last kiss
I walk away

Why don't we talk about it?
I'm only here don't shout it
Give 'em time, you'll forget
Let's pretend we never met

Screw you
I didn't like your taste anyway
I chose you
That's all go to waste it
It's Saturday
I'll go out and find another you

i mean it .

2009-08-19T14:46:00.000+08:00

bloggers' a bitch .

oh well .. i guess i aint th only earthling whos' facing this shit .

anw ohoh., on th 17th was moma's bday ! :D mel came after dinner and we went out around paya lebar to buy mama's bday pressie :]
i miss mEl ! shes soo sweet larh ., we lied to mama saying i needa take pictures for my art sketches . awww mama im soreey but th look on ur face when we did that suprise BANG ., its all worth it anw :D

and and and ., well its been sooooooooooooo long since ive blogged. soreey was dead . now redeemed .
i gotta do lotsa updates . and and ofcourse th blog skin .. damn it ..

9th august ;

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY PEEPS:]
`HAPPY 9TH mthsary bby :DD
DADDY RAWKS TH SHOW YAWW (:

:)

anndd well . enough with th good news ., coming to th bad one .
mrs candy chua . seriously idk wtf went wrong with her.
during art lesson on last tuesday .,
i was just standing up and searching my other picture refrences and guess what .. ?

mrs candy chua - sound why u wearing short short skirt uh . somemore ure big size eh ur skirt too short u noe ., somemore its soo ugly lorh @#$@% in chinese . *laugh laugh laugh with esther.

me - *blink blink blink x million times ..
teacher.. u wanna try wearing a skirt ??
# she ignored .

ether - *bang bang bang on th table + laugh laughs her face off

`farees and mrs candy chua discussed abt farees art progress..
after 10 mins ., done ., farees got up ., mrs chua called out for esther ..

i went up with my sketch ., pencil(s) and eraser , and went up to her .

me- tchr ., can help me with my art ?
she- later ., i ask esther first .. eh esther ., why like this ah.........
me - waddaaf ??!

fine ., i went back and continue to try myself draw that damn nose ..

5 mins later ., yi ling was called up and sat side to side with esther facing mrs CC .
talk talk talk talk cocks ..

time says 4 mins before 2.25 ., 2.21 larh ..

me - tchr ., when u gg to look at my art .
she - later larh .
me - tchr ., i aint staying back for it ., u noe .
she - *ignores me and continue talking to esther ..
me - * got up ., stuff everything inside my bag and talked to amy ..
* thanks amy ..

RINNNNNNNG RIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGG RRRRIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG ..

MRS CC - anybody who wanna continue their work ., or who wanna ask help from me ., please stay back ..

th whole class turned to me .. well almost all .esp sihui .

me - ha. yeaaah right .

i dumped my rubbish and wanna get out of that hell hole when i rmmbered amy still inside packing ..
i strolled back .
heard she talking in chinese .
heard yiling goes in chinese which i did managed to understand .

yiling - tchr ., she angry liao
she - angry angry larh ., skirt soo short .......@$$#$$@ in chinese

fck larh ., seriously wanna knock all her teeth out alrdy .
i throw my bag beside amy ., pull out / tucked out my sch uni shirt ., pull up my skirt and walked to her .

she- eh., u want me to send u to dp anot huh .
me - u send or dont send i dont care ., when u do ., i handle myself .,u better be there .
but now ., must u include nasty stuffs ?
she - huh ? wht talking u ...
me - * rolls my eyes ., turned my back on her and walked outta th door .
she - what kind of attitude is this ., this kind of student...@$#@$@$ in chinese .
me - *turned back ., EXCUSE ME ? i beg ur pardon ? eh., i aint chinese leh tchr ., u urself noes it why wanna blab ..?
she - i dont care ure chinese or not .....
me - so dont talk in chinese larh ., u wanna say ., come say to me in eng can anot .
she - * talk somemore ......
me - *amy pulled my out of th hell hole and we met ikah and carla at th staircase ..

waddaaf . when i went hme ., mama wanna charge to sch make a report on her fuckedup behaviour .
but i refused to let her .
idw her taking th risk or trouble fighting with that @#$ytc@# .
hell yeah i wore short skirts.
am i th only girl in art class wearing that ??
esther? ha ., still wanna join in th fun and laugh along . wipe my arse larh .
and and add on some more abt my size or abt my fatness ?
please ., what kindda teacher siaa.
nowonder ur reputation in sch stinks .
i had been good student for u ., i never complained abt ur talkativeness nor abt ur bad time management in every art class we have .
why must be such a stuckup huh ..
damn it .,
i swore to th girls abt my will .
i make sure i get it .
to hv a taste of sweet revenge., it aint that difficult to score back .
isit ? ..

` i hate u .

2009-08-01T21:23:00.000+08:00

i hate u .
all i noe ., feel ., think., sure of ., i hate u . deeply .
u'll be soreey .
dont even come begging for me.
u aint even worth the time .
i hate u .

` friends who cares ..

2009-07-27T17:40:00.000+08:00

gradually ., im having problems..
really deep ones ..
and i opened up to toad ( tupai :] )
heres what i said ..

7/27/2009 4:51:04 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio hey toad
7/27/2009 4:51:17 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ heylo frog (:
7/27/2009 4:51:21 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio can i open up to u dude ?
7/27/2009 4:51:36 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ errr .. bout?
7/27/2009 4:52:23 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ ?
7/27/2009 4:52:39 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio me and my guy
7/27/2009 4:52:49 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ oh okay ..
7/27/2009 4:52:53 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ i don't mind (:
7/27/2009 4:52:54 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio oh my god
7/27/2009 4:52:57 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ so whats wrong?
7/27/2009 4:52:58 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio im crying !
7/27/2009 4:53:03 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio soreey
7/27/2009 4:53:05 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio sorey
7/27/2009 4:53:08 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ err, relax2 ..
7/27/2009 4:53:16 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ tell me whats wrong?
7/27/2009 4:53:24 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i broke up .
7/27/2009 4:53:39 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ thats all? what happen actually?
7/27/2009 4:53:44 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio he kept accusing me
7/27/2009 4:53:55 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio over stupid matters
7/27/2009 4:53:55 PM Tupai KaiSio ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ just keep on typing, i'm reading ..
7/27/2009 4:54:00 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio hes like
7/27/2009 4:54:06 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio tooooooo overeacting
7/27/2009 4:54:11 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio controlling
7/27/2009 4:54:17 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio like extreme
7/27/2009 4:54:19 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio seriously
7/27/2009 4:54:22 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i couldnt take it
7/27/2009 4:54:25 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i toldhim
7/27/2009 4:54:27 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio he wont listen
7/27/2009 4:54:29 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio saying like
7/27/2009 4:54:31 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio oh
7/27/2009 4:54:33 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio so its me ?
7/27/2009 4:54:34 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio again ??
7/27/2009 4:54:38 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio and on and on and on ..
7/27/2009 4:54:41 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio and today
7/27/2009 4:54:43 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio its like
7/27/2009 4:54:46 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio th last straw
7/27/2009 4:54:51 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i couldnt take it anymore
7/27/2009 4:54:58 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio its been 2 weeks straight
7/27/2009 4:55:07 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio ive nver cried sooo long in my lifebefore
7/27/2009 4:55:14 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio not counting when i was just a baby
7/27/2009 4:55:27 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio he just counldnt seem to stop it
7/27/2009 4:55:33 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio using vulgars
7/27/2009 4:55:37 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio and and also
7/27/2009 4:55:43 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio getting deeper like
7/27/2009 4:55:49 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio im gg outwith any other guys
7/27/2009 4:55:51 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio gg clubs
7/27/2009 4:55:57 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio freaking out over there
7/27/2009 4:56:06 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio whereas i diidnt even do stuffs like that
7/27/2009 4:56:11 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio andits like
7/27/2009 4:56:12 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio now
7/27/2009 4:56:18 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio he took soo many pills
7/27/2009 4:56:32 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio saying he canntlive when im leaving him
7/27/2009 4:56:33 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio wtf
7/27/2009 4:56:40 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio its all like rojak
7/27/2009 4:56:46 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio idk where we went wrong siaa
7/27/2009 4:56:47 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio its like
7/27/2009 4:56:56 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio its been 8 months for goodness sake
7/27/2009 4:57:00 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i love him
7/27/2009 4:57:02 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio he love me
7/27/2009 4:57:04 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio but
7/27/2009 4:57:11 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio it doesent seems to be enough
7/27/2009 4:57:28 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i tried to have heart to heart talk with him
7/27/2009 4:57:32 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio smtimes we made up
7/27/2009 4:57:36 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio but th thing is
7/27/2009 4:57:39 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio u noe what ?
7/27/2009 4:57:44 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio hes a million miles away frm me
7/27/2009 4:57:54 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio hes overseas
7/27/2009 4:58:05 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio we had to risk every single day not to lose in touch
7/27/2009 4:58:15 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio it dont seems like any burden for any ofus
7/27/2009 4:58:16 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio but
7/27/2009 4:58:21 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio think abt it
7/27/2009 4:58:29 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio now that i cannt even use lappie
7/27/2009 4:58:31 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio nor comp
7/27/2009 4:58:33 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio after 9pm
7/27/2009 4:58:38 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio believe it anot
7/27/2009 4:58:45 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio im bound frm it
7/27/2009 4:58:51 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio my Os are nezt year
7/27/2009 4:59:01 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio and my parents are really freakingout
7/27/2009 4:59:11 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i dont have a choice u see .
7/27/2009 4:59:17 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i had to bide by their rules
7/27/2009 4:59:29 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio and when it comes to this conclusion
7/27/2009 4:59:38 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio he cannt seem to adapt to my new schedule
7/27/2009 4:59:44 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i couldnt make time for him anymore
7/27/2009 4:59:47 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio and when i cannt
7/27/2009 4:59:50 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio he accuses
7/27/2009 5:00:04 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio and i got for him 2 As in my tests
7/27/2009 5:00:07 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio As
7/27/2009 5:00:26 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio hes really eating my brains out
7/27/2009 5:00:32 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i had to get As
7/27/2009 5:00:34 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio cause i told him
7/27/2009 5:00:46 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio tht i would place him as second piority
7/27/2009 5:00:51 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i cannt make him th first
7/27/2009 5:00:58 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio when my schedule is all cramped
7/27/2009 5:01:30 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i really really cannt handle him anymoer
7/27/2009 5:01:32 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio in my life
7/27/2009 5:01:34 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio in me
7/27/2009 5:01:49 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio u noe th sparks when ure being with smone u love
7/27/2009 5:01:52 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio its just there
7/27/2009 5:01:55 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio u cant make it go
7/27/2009 5:02:00 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio bt u cannt make it happen either
7/27/2009 5:02:12 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio we both are slipping outta each other hands
7/27/2009 5:02:16 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i cannt let him go
7/27/2009 5:02:21 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i thought i wouldnt ever
7/27/2009 5:02:29 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio forever was our promise
7/27/2009 5:02:32 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio we swore
7/27/2009 5:02:38 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio we did a double pinkey
7/27/2009 5:02:40 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio but now
7/27/2009 5:02:44 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio ohmygod..
7/27/2009 5:05:15 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio i feel so lost ., u noe ..
7/27/2009 5:05:26 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio its like
7/27/2009 5:05:37 PM ●● đϵɩɩαツяоzα™｡◕‿◕｡ Tupai KaiSio ive never lost smone this much like ever before..

annnnd he replies ;

alright, that was quite long .. things can be happening all the time .. you told me he was over reacting over simple things .. that shows he love you, but in some kind of way you see .. tell you the truth, i experienced what you told me, think nagatively bout my girl, whatever blablabla till we broke up .. but he's totally wrong to accused you right .. i mean like, wtf .. but, the fact he say all this is because he love and care for you, too much that he can't bare seeing you with other guy .. and whats up with all that pills taking all that? tell him, DON'T BE AN IDIOT .. that could just easily destroy his life, making him more worse, gaining more stress .. well, im telling all this cause i may understand what your guy is feeling .. i took drugs when i was stressed, but that was all lasttime .. anw, back to you .. he asked for you to study hard, and you get it for him .. don't brag over it, saying you already gave him As .. just don't give a damn bout it, if he doesn't appreciate it, might as well let it be .. and you make the right choice by putting him as second most important .. told you, if he doesn't appreciate it, get lost and leave .. thats the best .. so now he's million miles away from you .. still, it doesn't stop you from loving him right? and for him to love you .. 8 months are not long my dear .. there are still long way to go .. and frog, you made the wrong choice .. shouldn't had make the oath .. shouldn't have said all that .. FOREVER is nothing .. its just a ordinary words which you can't describe anything .. you noe, love is wide, it has no ending .. how long can you keep that forever promise of yours? promise are meant to be broken, you know .. don't tell me he's everything to you .. so you're trying to tell me that if he's no more with you, your life would end? move on .. there are more to life .. thats all i can tell you .. think bout it kay, frog .. whatever you do there are 2 choice, yes or no, do it or not, take it or throw it ..and in the end, you only left with one .. soo yaa, thats all for my lecture .. tc of yourself, okay froggy (:

~ Tupai Kaisioy

thts sweet ., isint it ?
aww . i felt alil bit better though .
atleast someone aint telling me that im wrong all th time ..
well .. better go study now ..
get more As ..
cross ur fingers., ur toes too ., for me willya :)

2009-07-19T16:03:00.000+08:00

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I’m fine
Without you

Called you up cause’ it’s been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

2009-07-19T16:00:00.000+08:00

I'm losing sleep over you. Look what you've done to me. Not saying you ain't the truth this loves no
fantasy. Sometimes I'm so sick of you I need some therapy. Just like an addict on you making no
recovery.
So should I stay, should I go. Do i do, do I don't. Will I will, will I won't. Do like my momma told me.

That's what love can do mow I know. Everything just ain't good for you. Said I'm feeling like a fool.
It can be so confused oh baby. Maybe that's just what love can do. What love can do.

See you sweep me off my feet. Then bring me down to my knees. And then occasionally I'm like somewhere
in between. Everytime we get it right we go wrong. And tell me why does every fight torn
me on

So should I stay, should I go. Do I do, do I don't. Will I will, will I won't Do Like My momma told me

Everytime we fuss and fight. I'm headed for the door. And I know inside that this shit ain't. But it
makes me want you more. My friends tell me that I should bounce. Maybe I should just up and leave. But
they can't say cause they don't know. Just what you do to me .

# help me .

2009-07-19T15:09:00.003+08:00

ive dried my eyes and i realised ., i deserve someone who'd treat me right
Because I know my worth so you can keep that drama, I don't want it anymore
No more settling for less
I've looking for that kind of man that's gonna give his best 'cause I'm giving my best
A man that wants to cherish this and knows exactly how to move me
Not some little silly boy who wants my goodies 'cause he took me to the movies
Is anybody else just fed up?
If you heard it all before then right where you are just get up, ey
Because I've dried my eyes and I realized I deserve somebody that'll treat me right
A part of me wants to leave you alone.
A part of me wants for you to come home.
A part of me says I'm living a lie.
(And I'm better off without you.)
A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye.
A part of me is asking why...
A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think we're over and done you do something to get me back loving you.
And you got me just torn.
Torn in between the two.
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. I really want to be with you
Leave you alone.
There were no issues when we started out.
It was cool.
It was everything that love's about.
But something happened.
Plus I'm feeling so burnt out.
Cuz I can't understand you now. Now oh
I just can't understand you now.
A part of me says it's all my fault.
A part of me says "he ain't what you want."
A part of me says to get my bags.
A part of me says I can't do that.
A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think that it's over and done you make me fall back in love.
You got me just torn bby .

# im back ..

2009-07-10T14:30:00.006+08:00

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory 'cause I put to much energy in him and me Can't wait till I get through this phase 'cause it's killing me To bad we can't re-write our own history Such a mystery when he's here with me It's hard to believe I'm still lonely Chance's fading now, patience running out This ain't how it's supposed to be I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy How do we re-reverse the chemistry I don't want us to be the end of me This love is taking all of my energy Energy, my energy Taking all my energy Energy, my energy Taking all of (my energy) Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity Could keep your feet off the ground when you go to me How can two be as one We've become to divided now There's no use hiding from my misery Now I can feel a change in me And I can't afford to slip much further From the person I was meant to be I'm not afraid to walk alone Not give it up but moving on Before it gets too deep 'cause you're taking all of my energy I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy How do we reverse the chemistry I don't want us to be the end of me This love is taking all of my energy
You're killing me You're taking all of me yeah, oh This love is taking all of my energy

# im baaaaaaaaaccccccccccck ! :D

2009-06-27T17:54:00.002+08:00

weee weee weee !
im back..
:)
i felt nice to be back ..
though i have to leave him behind there..
well., we gets stronger every time i have to go away loves ..
this is for my own goodbeing ..
anw ., my blog is officially
DEAD
D E A D
D E A D !
-___-
but tellya guys what ., i found smth in aidah blog which like melted me off..
here goes ;
----------------------------------------------------->
SOUND
6 years of Friendship(and still counting on) , i think you're really a great person .

You've helped me alot these days . Especially this year yea .
You always try to bring us together , even in difficult times .

Sorry i neglect you sometimes , cos its not easy to spend time with him .
I really dunnoe how to break the news to him . Help me .

&& please treasure your relationship okayy .
If you really love him , cherish all times that you have with him .

Say what you want to say , so you wont regret it .
Now that you'll be having lesser time with him (due to tuitions),
I'm sure you'll still get to see him when you get back to myanmar rytes ?

Spend every minute and every second that you have with him .
Don't lose any chances to say anything to him .
Love him with all your heart , i noe he lovves you too babe (:
----------------------------------------------------->

awwwwww .,
aidah honn ., i loveeee youuuu :)
thankey thanks for that wonderful post .
ure really one true good friends too :D
well ., for my dead post ., will update later at night :)
buhbbyiies earthlings ;

lovess ;

# byebyes mccoy .

2009-06-08T21:30:00.002+08:00

-saddened-
im flying back ..
sooon
and my blog is dead .
basically .
imagine when im gone.
`whoooo .
anw ., this blog is like ., no links .
no actual commitment
to update .
its just means to me as
a place/location
where i could just relate as freely as i can
to anyone who would read these shit ive been pilling up in my mind.
all those hungers ., worries. , desiprations ., emotions..
and more to overcome ..
and i hope i could keep updating this little treasured blog of mine to come
to a day when i could see back and laugh at how my life turned out to be .
or cry at how i want all these moments back and regret what and why hvnt
i just treasure more of those moments ..
:)
also ., this is where i shares with my friends .
till then ., i could post another heartfelt post :)
[ NOT ]
oke lame ..

# pichas to burn :)

2009-05-18T17:20:00.007+08:00

ilytilytilytilytilytilytilytilytilytilyt :)

:)

# failures .

2009-05-18T16:50:00.003+08:00

i've failed .
yes.
very badly .
all subjects
one by one ., came crashing onto me .
all heavy and how much i tried to frget it .,
i cannt .
i cannt .
i cannt .
i hate school .
i hate my school life .
i hate my life .
i hate myself .
i hate me .
i ., declare now .
im a failure .
im soreey mommy & daddy .
u've sacrificed A L O T .
and i'v just lived on all of it .
unintentionally .
now i realised .
how wounded it is to feel a failure .
never felt this bad before .
i swear .
im just a mistake huh .
i noe .
th biggest mistake u guys had made in ur life .
daddy ., ure talented , strong and successful .
mommy ., ure too ., and u perservere to be here to guide me and bro .
though we all knew how much u miss daddy .
u still stick to us .
cause we all know .,
without ur care ., love and support u've given us for th past 6 yrs can be compared to nth else in this world .
this year mother's day .,
i falied to be a good daughter .
whom u always wanted me to be .
not as dumb i am now anw .
i even failed to wished u a happy mother's day .
we fought , over stupid matters .
we always do .
smtyms i noe u wished i wasnt even born .
i just know .
well .. im soreey mum .
i'll try to be better .
bro .
oh heck .
u little one nutcracked peenuts brained muffballs .,
ure th best bro ive ever have .
th only one i can ever have :)
ure talented too hey .
well yeah u cn snuff 12 hotdogs into u in 2 mins .
thts wht i call real p r o .
:)
well toots ., ily bro :D
bby .
awwww love ., ure th sweetest thing tht happened to me .
the greateeest boyfy any girl could ever have .
ure undescribly loveable .
i adore u .
i likes u .
i love u .
i need u .
i really do kush .
its been 6 months 9days 17 hrs 15 mins 45 seconds annnd still counting :)
till forever bby .
like we said we will .
:)
|| ily arse ||

friends :
alys :) trish :) amen :) soleen :) betth :) sweeet nipplets clarsh :)
aww bitches .,
i just love ur existence .
u babes always make my day .
though we aint in th same sch .,
we'll always keep in touch aye :)
and .
mee :) phoo :) nobel :) jx :) bryan (titslicker) :) etc etc .
u guys do rocks hey ..
:)

# 2

2009-05-11T12:38:00.004+08:00

// hey earthlings.,
i noe .
my blog suck nowadays .
will update soon though.
tmr is th last paper :)
weeeeeeeeeeeeee`
wish me luck :)
break a leg bby :D
chiaaos earthlings //

:)

2009-05-05T16:12:00.002+08:00

hey ;)
just wanna post out these few weeks events .
soreey guys for STILL not getting a tagboard .
soreey !
MYE is on yaw ..
couldnt squeeze any time for blooging.
soreey !
duh . again .
and and and anw ., last weekend .,
bsy with aidah and studying :) :)
E X P O :)
study study .
and oh ?
BRA.YAN ., th titslicker . ure one irritating tooted arse :)
u bloody cat-walker ... :)
anw ., as i was saying...
studied ., ate ., went bdk find jx but damn .,
jx ., daddy and th rest all leaving th min we reache . GRRRs...
so no choice but to go hm instead :(
soreey aidah ! i really mean it ..
andandand today was maths .
( mad.the.maddness ? )
and damn., all papers delayed as tht freaking swine flu ..
grrr.
wasted our one bloody hour in class .,
and guess wht ., tht wasnt even enough to make the rest do any revisions -.-
3c.3c . we better buck up ! teachers alrdy hving doubts on us .
*sigh .
though it all . ILY 3c.
ookeyhs thts random .
laugh :)
andandnd today., bby just had his first paper.
gosh . its Olvls.
just in another a week and a half .,
bby ,
ure one damned free ass yaw.
grrr.
i abhore ur existance then -.-
anw., for today ., i did well :)
i guess ?
pray hard pray hard pray hard .!
also no use ., i know .
and mom's results are out !
for ppl out there., my dearest friends.,
who spent their moments with me .,
a min or two
sparing me some thoughts and concern on how i was feeling ,
i appreciate those moments .
even for a few seconds when i told u abt it .,
and u guys jus stop whtever ure doing ., gave me a pat me and make me cheer up :)
i love you all .
i mean it .

# LaLaLaLaLas :D

2009-04-27T21:02:00.003+08:00

okeyh fine . i knw RAKEEN ., ikah and th rest hv been asking me tuh update this deadly blog of mine with wht i just taken in class . muahahahaha . THE pictures & the videos :D andand ofcourse . i wont let u guys wait longer. . so .., here it is . will upload th videos later . dont have flashfor now . oh damn it .

:)(:

2009-04-26T15:31:00.002+08:00

just let me fall . quickly . killme . murderme . suck my bloodslowly . see me die in ur arms .

remorsefully in lovee with u bby ..

# just another stupid day ..

2009-04-25T12:53:00.002+08:00

its boring saturday ..

bby didint come ..
:(
will update later @ night .
chiiaos .

# tuesday blues .

2009-04-14T17:30:00.003+08:00

i could give up missing u ..

BUT

i couldnt . i swear .
i feel like u have always been ., forever a part of me . never apart . imysm bby .
& i believe u feel the same . because ? now i see ., how it hurt to miss someone so deeply .

finally .

i cnnt help it , but i broke down .. im soreey . and and and ...

IMYSM loves .

# if only he knew ....

# tears .

2009-04-14T00:27:00.003+08:00

``those lonely bus rides home ...

bby went away fr 3days since morning .
anther 52hours before i could talk to him again .
saddened .

* s i g h .
`through it all ., my boys are really entertaining :D
my #2 boobsmaker : jakey slow ( i swear hes opposite of his name :D ) ., bought me chocolates ! weee :D well he knew im all moody and hot today . and freaked me out with endless laughter in an hour straight ., I NOE ., he can be one great comedian one day ., cause ppl ? just one look at him ., and i swear ure goinna blow th top :) who knows ure goinna see him in TV ., and when he do ., u better make sure to hear me scream : THATS MY BOY THATS MY BOY ! :D

firstly ., pissed with sch . seriously sch sucks nowadays . actually its th bloody ppl in there . i really feel like gorging their tongues out to stop all those rumours abt me . oh puh-leesee for heaven godsake ., u bitches hv nth better else to do ?
go suck dicks oh god . dont piss in my life if u hvnt get enough in urs . i knw who did but idk why .
i knw i looked stupid just taking all YOUR craps ., u think i d care . oh fuck for once letmee tell u bitch ., since i knw ure goinna read tis ., u bloody suck on th core . dont ever get me again in th toilet ., or else i make sure i disrespect u in it ., let u out once im done ., and hey ? dont let th door kncok ya ., or let th god kiss ur blessed arse . otw outta th cubicle . if u aint happy with wht i am tday ., go ask iris . because ? nobody cares anymore :) and oh ? u didnt torn me away ., i have th best family and th greatest love life only with a guy and just one which im damn sure i can prove everyone tht wht u thought i would end up ., in a shithole? well ure goinna sight differently . and thts why ., im still here ., standing ., u didint break me down ., nopes .

I DONT FUCKING CARE HOW U SUCCEED IN RUINING MY REPUTATION IN THIS SCH ., BUT ., I WONT LOOK FOR REVENGE ., U WILL FIND ONE URSELF .
ONLY WORSE . I PROMISE U (:

&&& finally ., now i have blurted all out ., i gues i can sleep :) goodnytes humans ., aliens ., paranoids :D

# happy thingyan :)

2009-04-12T14:51:00.002+08:00

happy thingyan !
happy thingyan !
happy thingyan !

she says she says ., JUST get wet . and show them off :)
one word : ewww .

# easter BUNNY :)

2009-04-11T15:49:00.002+08:00

ii found one easter egg ppl !

godd ., it was just there lying ., creepy aye ? i wonder whos th creep who put it there. its soooo obvious among th green patches of grass down my blck :)
yeahhhh i noe . it sounds doup but its true , will upload th pics for u guys later on . hph hvnt charge. slept this morning forgetting to charge it . shit ., no its like 4 and gotta meet kitkat at 6.30 .
im still darn stuck in my arts . LACK OF CREATIVITY ., thts wht mr sulaiman told me . grrrr .
i love art . i hate doing it . *s i g h . annnnnnnnnnnd bby jus came online :)
byebyebye ..

2009-04-11T02:54:00.003+08:00

oke i cnnt sleep ! just finished sending bby an offline msg ..
grrr.

pathetic ? see for urself ...

2:52 AM me: bby ., i just wnna say tht imysm loves ., i cnnt sleep ., its 3am now., and i cnnt call u ., my credits all gone for calling u 5days straight -_- anw bby ., imy imy imy :) just cnnt wait to be with u bby . oke thts like . ugh . but its true ., i had to admit ., idk fcking why imysm nowadays loves ., well anw ., i will try to sleep . though i noe u arent asleep now ., study hard lovees ., i will too . till we can be together together together :) forever .. ilysmt bby . and i mean it . wait for me tmr bby . will miss u ., like i always do . AND i noe im talking to myself ., u see ., i take after u bby :) jkjk .. well so.... ARRRGH . imysm larh u toots :D

# once u get this , considered u get a kiss frm me :) ..

**** cheeks bby :)

MwAAAAAAHHHHHH :)

oke done .

2:53 AM chiiiiaos dearest boyfrd n_n

*sigh .. smbody conviince me tht im NOT love sick for godsake .
&&& oh ppl ? happy easter . though our gov dont give specificely abt easter DAY .
well ., we cgh ppl do : ) so yeah happy easter again ppl . try finding easter bunny in ur back yard if u do have one. or or if u walk through grasses . , look out for painted eggs and HALLELUJAH ( speltwrongly ., inoe D; ) u found one easter egg :)
save me one aye .. after i could admit to u tht i couldnt find any ... :)

...

2009-04-11T02:17:00.002+08:00

its 2.30am and im still blogging . found some interesting facts abt photography . neh . i noe ., BORRRR-IIINNNNGGG .
tday stayed hm th whoooleday . rain didint stopped till 4 or 5 .
went to hang out with fifa and ayys at macd to use her lappie to check bby's offline msg .
aww he wasnt online though. so ended up talking to nobel tht noob (:
well i guess for him ., things werent just meant to be , cnnt force love dude .
im soreey ., i noe i've promised to help u get her back . but again im not a love guru .
not meaning any offence man ., its just she have alrdy moved on . and i guess u should .
damn it ., does F A T E really exist ppl ? do u have to be fated to be with tht special smone ?
i've seen sm couples met randomly and got together just like tht and still loving oh-so0-much .
i smtym wonder why is th world coming to like this . ppl meeting online . getting to knw each other . and CLICK ., i like u . u like me ., lets get tgther u and me .... goddd. is there anymore TRUE TRUE TRUE love ppl ?? anw , ayys was great :) she made me laugh like hell tday ., thanks bbe ., thts wht i needed for this week ., anw folks gtg meet bby at lalala land later ...

:) i noe ., weird ., but thts hw we works :)

chiiaos ~

:)

2009-04-11T01:36:00.001+08:00

# good friday :)

imysmt bby ..

# couting down till midnight :)

2009-04-08T22:02:00.003+08:00

FIRSTLY : HAPPY 17th anni mum & dad ! all these years of loves ., devotions ., commitments ., care and affections ., its 17 yrs mommy and daddy :) but aww ., too bad daddy isnt here . yet . so mom brought to buffet instead . nearest clark quay . well its five star i must say . all those yummy gummy dishes and i swear i saw bro kindda melted . well not his heart but his salivary glands . yeah u got tht right ppl :D

SECONDLY : HAPPY 1st year anni to 'AIDAH & WAN :)
last long long long bbe(aidah) :]

THIRDLY : 3more mins and HAPPY 5th month anni to us bby :) ilyilyilyily arse . like soo freaking much . & imysm bby . i seriously do .

FOURTHLY : HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALY ., ohh bitch , ure just one of a kind :) (FYI : because ure a bitch bby :D )

# && bby im couting down till then :) ily .

2009-04-05T03:48:00.000+08:00

` bby finally can came online :D :D :D
but late late larhs .. screw th inn conns in mm . grrr.
niiwayhs . imysmt larh toots .
seriously i cannt find the reason why imysm these days.
*sigh ..
its 3am nw. better sleep since tmr got this hair show by alice bby :)
needa pick out th dress . choose eyeshadows . godd . ! hate being a girl sometims .. grrr .
yayayada cnnt help it .
tday cnnt get out for chc service . IM SOREEY KITKAT BBY D;
im soreeey larh bitch . seriously u noe my mom aye.. btw i had to finish up extra maths topic tht i missed out last last week . wht more ., i still have my artworks to do . #saddened ..
anw next sat is EASTER :D:D
cross ur fingers and toes too tht i could join u guys :)
oke darh . goinna have panda eyes soon if i dont start sleeping early .

GOODNIGHTS humans . aliens . paranoids . mermaids :)