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Wednesday, September 16, 2009
guys ., have u ever have a feeling that sometimes ujust feel like disappearing into thin air when things around u turned definetely vodka ?
do u ever wished u never met that someone who was a second before so special to u and
turned out to be such a jackass th next ?
when u found that th actual truth really hurts so badly that u always wanna hear all lies ?
anw , i wanna share with u smone real badly. but dk who .
no. idk if i shld tell anyone at all .
but choosing th *one seems pretty damn hard .
shall just say it to everyone who would read this .
but before i share it .
theres smth abt happy endings that makes me feel like everything's possible. Even for a fleeting moment.
noe what i mean ?
suddenly im optimistic., adventurious, determined , confident by th positive outcome .. all things good. the future looks bright and im part of it . and i make a promise t myself t rmbr that feeling and live it when deemed necessary.
if ure wondering. yes im part of that small majority -- that group of girls who look into the mirror and see th negative before th positive.Overly sensitive slightly neurotic . yeah, 's true. my self esteem playsme like a seesaw . i need that soundtrack, a cocktail, hell., th immediate-gratification impulse purchase to kick th week, the weekend, th evening off light , Pretty pathetic all things considered : th therapy . th achievements . but if ure looking for a rosy tale filled with bogus antidotes and naive untruths , u shld probably set out frm this blog of mine and head back to th chick lit table .
' cause my story is real. damnit .
my ambition to fix whats broken , my fear of looking back with regret , th way i jones for first-kiss intensity every time around. and this relentless inner tic that feels as though it is deserving of anything that this once-in-a-lifetime life has to offer seems to always lland me right smack in th thick of it. so far anw.
my silent dreams and smallish wishes follow me around like puppy dogs, ugh , did i ever to u i mega-ly hates puppy or worse, dogs ?
hellyeah i do hate 'em.
they (not th dogs,damit) constantly propel me to take chances . They make me believe in myself even if th odds are aganist me. And , suddenly, i become "that girl" , th chick who throws one back and walks up to " that guy " -- th one, ofcourse, i think is out of my league. likely , th same guy u chose not to make eye contact with 'cause you probably dont give urself enough credit and instead make a buzzy beeline over to th bugis street sales, wondering what-if during ur ride back home . i become th rookie in th classroom who every once in a while offers up an opinion while simultaneously receiving glares that could light a match frm th venomous veterans who have learned to be agreeable . i don those threads even though they dont fit me quite th say they do th sticks in th ads. i believe. i savor. i imagine. when i get a why ? i inevitably ask , why not ? and if i get a no--well ., i bet u can guess what does that to me .
now.now, before u get all cranky and think me arrogant and unrelatable, let me say this.: NINE times out of ten my instincts are disastrous, th outcome becomes a bad joke , and th subtle confidence youre picking up on is undoubtedly underwritten with sweaty palms, a dry mouth, and a heart beating so boldly you'd think i had my own personal base turned up way too high .
but., alas, what kind of person , friend would i be if i quietly let my gluttonous gut go unheard ? seriously, if i cannt sit through my own movie and leave th theater thinking , " yes., i really did live my life " , well then a full refund is in order! and therin lies th problem.
doubtful any of us get a 'refund'when our own credits start a tollin'. so i say this; go for it . i did .
and i promise, i will. 'MISTAKES' or not , its worth it .
( cautions ; im not suggesting we go leaping off small buildings in a single bound. reckless is hardly th goal. living big means smth diffrnt to ech of us .)
if nothing else, i know this to be true : through th thick and thin of it all, it is with every harmless personal dare that i have found my great happiness.
okay , so what are you waiting for ? pick me up. bring me to th chek out counter, and give me that personal attention i crave. im very low - maintainance acually. i love night-lights, get car sick ( depending on with who and whos' on th same car ) , will eat anything, am fiercely independent , and am cool with a little downtime . but i do have one small request. when ure through with me and if u dont pass me on your friend , cousin, or coworker: how 'bout resting me between brad pitt unauthorized biography and bruce weber's most recent photography book ?
what ? its all good :)
do u ever wished u never met that someone who was a second before so special to u and
turned out to be such a jackass th next ?
when u found that th actual truth really hurts so badly that u always wanna hear all lies ?
anw , i wanna share with u smone real badly. but dk who .
no. idk if i shld tell anyone at all .
but choosing th *one seems pretty damn hard .
shall just say it to everyone who would read this .
but before i share it .
theres smth abt happy endings that makes me feel like everything's possible. Even for a fleeting moment.
noe what i mean ?
suddenly im optimistic., adventurious, determined , confident by th positive outcome .. all things good. the future looks bright and im part of it . and i make a promise t myself t rmbr that feeling and live it when deemed necessary.
if ure wondering. yes im part of that small majority -- that group of girls who look into the mirror and see th negative before th positive.Overly sensitive slightly neurotic . yeah, 's true. my self esteem playsme like a seesaw . i need that soundtrack, a cocktail, hell., th immediate-gratification impulse purchase to kick th week, the weekend, th evening off light , Pretty pathetic all things considered : th therapy . th achievements . but if ure looking for a rosy tale filled with bogus antidotes and naive untruths , u shld probably set out frm this blog of mine and head back to th chick lit table .
' cause my story is real. damnit .
my ambition to fix whats broken , my fear of looking back with regret , th way i jones for first-kiss intensity every time around. and this relentless inner tic that feels as though it is deserving of anything that this once-in-a-lifetime life has to offer seems to always lland me right smack in th thick of it. so far anw.
my silent dreams and smallish wishes follow me around like puppy dogs, ugh , did i ever to u i mega-ly hates puppy or worse, dogs ?
hellyeah i do hate 'em.
they (not th dogs,damit) constantly propel me to take chances . They make me believe in myself even if th odds are aganist me. And , suddenly, i become "that girl" , th chick who throws one back and walks up to " that guy " -- th one, ofcourse, i think is out of my league. likely , th same guy u chose not to make eye contact with 'cause you probably dont give urself enough credit and instead make a buzzy beeline over to th bugis street sales, wondering what-if during ur ride back home . i become th rookie in th classroom who every once in a while offers up an opinion while simultaneously receiving glares that could light a match frm th venomous veterans who have learned to be agreeable . i don those threads even though they dont fit me quite th say they do th sticks in th ads. i believe. i savor. i imagine. when i get a why ? i inevitably ask , why not ? and if i get a no--well ., i bet u can guess what does that to me .
now.now, before u get all cranky and think me arrogant and unrelatable, let me say this.: NINE times out of ten my instincts are disastrous, th outcome becomes a bad joke , and th subtle confidence youre picking up on is undoubtedly underwritten with sweaty palms, a dry mouth, and a heart beating so boldly you'd think i had my own personal base turned up way too high .
but., alas, what kind of person , friend would i be if i quietly let my gluttonous gut go unheard ? seriously, if i cannt sit through my own movie and leave th theater thinking , " yes., i really did live my life " , well then a full refund is in order! and therin lies th problem.
doubtful any of us get a 'refund'when our own credits start a tollin'. so i say this; go for it . i did .
and i promise, i will. 'MISTAKES' or not , its worth it .
( cautions ; im not suggesting we go leaping off small buildings in a single bound. reckless is hardly th goal. living big means smth diffrnt to ech of us .)
if nothing else, i know this to be true : through th thick and thin of it all, it is with every harmless personal dare that i have found my great happiness.
okay , so what are you waiting for ? pick me up. bring me to th chek out counter, and give me that personal attention i crave. im very low - maintainance acually. i love night-lights, get car sick ( depending on with who and whos' on th same car ) , will eat anything, am fiercely independent , and am cool with a little downtime . but i do have one small request. when ure through with me and if u dont pass me on your friend , cousin, or coworker: how 'bout resting me between brad pitt unauthorized biography and bruce weber's most recent photography book ?
what ? its all good :)